He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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