That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
