im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
