And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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