I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
