Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
