i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
