I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
