Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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