i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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