idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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