Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
