chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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