I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
