I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
