420 ftw
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
