I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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