Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The adults are the big ones right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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