I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
