dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Gay?
German.
Pity.
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