Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
