I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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