so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
