can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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