I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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