Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
