after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
