Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
