This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
