I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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