Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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