ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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