Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
