Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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