All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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