I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
