It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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