didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
