I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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