I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
