FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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