I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
