can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
