I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
