i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
At least make sure they are 18
Why
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
