you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
