Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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