We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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