peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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