White coat. Heels.
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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