lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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