When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
