this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
there was a trapeze. enough said
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
