i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
