Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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