she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
