I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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