how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
