she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
