nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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