dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My balls are so social today.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
